The Blue Cancer

Karen's dreams continue.  It's about 2:am, she's tapping me awake. 
"I'm sorry", she says, "but you have cancer too."
I know she's asleep and won't remember this in the morning.
She continues, "don't worry too much; it's the Blue kind."
And.... she doesn't remember when I ask her; she's horrified that she'd dream of something like that. As if she can direct her subconscious. 
She doesn't know that I've thought something very similar. I've thought that this cancer is killing us both.  As sure as this impersonal beast is eroding her bones it has shifted and cracked my essence.
At times over the past several months I've been hardly able to recognize myself; the dark moods, the feeling of powerlessness, frustration, anger and guilt over my own health.
Even in her sleep Karen works through powerful truths: I've got the Blue cancer.  It's the kind that the caregivers get.  I also know that as much as she may need my help, she wishes more than anything I continue to work on my "Blue cure".

                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Kuniyoshi from Warriors and Legends

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