I near the end of this blog. This volume of thoughts that permeated so many days weeks and months. This book that was both a love story and a desperate race against time. A race essentially to say all that Karen and I had to say to each other before an end that we both knew was near.
How near it was neither of us suspected. She told me she was done days before her death yet she had me order her a nightgown and a pair of buttery soft pants because her skin was so tender. They arrived after her death as a reminder of the things we can never know.
One thing about her cancer is that we had time to prepare; to say goodbye. It was a blessing and a curse. We lived with the knowledge that one would have to die and one would have to live. This was our path and we walked it together these past months knowing that there was a fork in that path and it would come soon. The night before she died she asked me me to lie with her in her hospice bed and tell her stories; tell her stories of all the good times. I kissed her then I told those stories until late into the night as she fell asleep.
We said our goodbyes and went to our separate destinies.
A celebration of her life is planned for this Saturday. I hope I've invited everyone. She didn't want to be mourned she wanted for those who knew her to have a party. So I will commit her ashes in the morning and later we will celebrate.
The example of Karen's grace and courage will help me to throw off burdens and lamentations and continue to the final chapter.
Photo - William Evertson - Karen's memorial, a garden bench
William and Karen - Karen and I have been married for 41 years. Karen's breast cancer has reached stage 4. This is what happens next.